This Area

I want so badly to not give a single fuck. I'm disappointed in myself on a daily basis for allowing myself to get disappointed. It's all so sadly routine now that I'm not sure why I still feel surprised when it happens. How can you possibly be let down when you're as low as you can get? The top of my head is barely breaking the surface. I stopped breathing long ago. So how do I keep going? I try to think about it but it's the only time my mind goes blank. Normally, it's cluster-fucked with so many convoluted thoughts that I can't even focus on what's right in front of me. I feel myself going in a less-than-ideal direction and I'm not sure how to cut off the path. I know I've been in this area before but most likely under different circumstances. It's beginning to feel hopeless. I open my window and look outside but it looks exactly the same as it does in here. Empty.