Losing Track and Traction

Am I sliding backwards? Have I lost my mind? Is it in the past and that's what I'm sliding back to find?

I feel as though I've come to a door-less wall in my life. All the progress means nothing, much like everything I've learned and experienced. I've always felt wise and mature as many have told me that I am. I've always heard that the more people tell you that you are something, the more you start to believe it. However, I've never claimed to be a great person. I'm far from it actually. I've done many horrible things in my life, even recently, but one thing I've always been guilty of is trying too hard. It gets me in terrible situations and I guess I have to realize that I do it to myself. I've always cared too much and it's weird to think that it's even a possibility but when you always end up getting hurt, it must be. I just still can't decide why I even allow myself to get hurt anyway. Maybe I feel that since I give so much and try so hard that it's all owed to me in return. It's never returned. Or at least it hasn't been yet but I've run out of time so I guess it never will be. I'd like to say sorry to every person I've ever hurt and thank you to every person that's ever had any form of impact on my life but surely that is far from feasible.